i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
