how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
