What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
