Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
