I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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