Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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