So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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