Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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