I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
