I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize