If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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