i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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