I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
