dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
