so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
