me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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