a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
