I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
