I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
