I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
