He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
