remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I need moral support for this bender
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize