i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
you will always have a special place in my vag
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Everyone says I win the strip club
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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