I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
