I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
