So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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