so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
