I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
