Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize