I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
