I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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