my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
