Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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