So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
