Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
