smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
There's always time for handjobs
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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