She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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