I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
