First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
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