No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
