Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
