what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
