we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
