Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Randomize