let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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