I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
