Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
