I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
fuck your aforementioned shoe
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
