is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
