i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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