We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
