if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
