When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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