Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
