Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
