never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
