Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
