Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
