I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
