hotel room ftw
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
