none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm too high and old for this...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
