I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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