I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
