just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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