If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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