I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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