:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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