I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I'm lost and stupid without you.
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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