Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
