dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
