We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
